She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
