I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
