you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
