Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
