His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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