Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
