I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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