Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
