I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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