You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
