i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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