im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
