My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to make out with him forever
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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