yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
