i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
