id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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