Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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