My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
