he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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