I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize