come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
