Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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