How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
