Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
