drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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