I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
