u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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