please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
