is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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