The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
