Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
