how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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