Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
