Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
