Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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