I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
