There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
