she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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