bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
