Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
