I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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