member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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