I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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