my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
