Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
