I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
