This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
