Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
