We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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