i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
