why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
