Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
