The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
