Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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