Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
