He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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