I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
