She's JV to your varsity
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
