I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
