i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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