goodnight i made you a song goodbye
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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