he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
