Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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