Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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