it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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