Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
