let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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