I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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