It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
