I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
