you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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