I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
