Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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