I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
