honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
