I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
