Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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