ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
