Soap is not a condiment
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
