Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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