he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
