we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
