If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
