Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I lost the right to judge tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
