I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
