Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BRING THE BAGELS
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
