So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
