When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize